Think we haven’t heard them before? We have…
- Stop forcing your beliefs down my throat!
- Plants feel pain
- Our ancestors ate meat
- Being vegan causes deaths of field mice
- Canine teeth, though
- Lions eat meat
- Why do you make food that tastes like meat?
- It’s The Food Chain
- It’s The Circle of Life
- Animals would go extinct if we didn’t eat them
- Animals would take over the world if we didn’t eat them
- What about abortion/poverty/homelessness?
- Vegans hurt animals by eating their food source
- I care about people, not animals
- Its eat or be eaten
- Vegans are physically weak
- Where do you get your protein?
- Being vegan is part of Satan’s plan to make us all weak so he can take over
- God told us to eat meat
- Mmm, bacon!
- Vegans are elitist
- Vegans are racist
- Inuit eat meat
- What if you were on a desert island?
- Would you eat meat for $1,000,000?
- Vegans are just virtue signalling
- Hitler was a vegetarian
- Its the economy, though
- Farmers would all lose their jobs
- Vegans starve their children
- I once knew a vegan who stole from me/hit me/called me mean names…
- Vegans just eat rabbit food.
- Vegans are traitors
- Vegans are hippies
- Animals are humanely slaughtered
- Animals are better off on farms than in the wild
- Vegan food is boring
- Real men eat meat
- We evolved to eat meat
- Vegans have a lack of nutrients needed for brain development
- Vegans are snowflakes
- How do you know somebody is vegan? They’ll tell you (yawn)
- Animals don’t have feelings
- Animals are designed and bred as food
- Vegans hate humans
- I don’t want to watch slaughterhouse footage, it grosses me out
- But these are just a few rogue operators, it’s not the norm
- All the meat I eat comes from happy animals
- ‘Forcing’ children to be vegan is child abuse
- What do you feed your cats/dogs?
- But you are wearing leather/wool/animal tested make-up etc.
- Methane is a short lived gas
- Money/tyres contain animal products. If you use money/tyres you are a hypocrite.
- What? Not using money/tyres? That’s so extreme!
- You only say animal abuse is wrong because you are a vegan
- If you are not a vegan, you can’t say animal abuse is wrong, or you are a hypocrite.
- Nobody will ever stop eating meat
- It’s OK if it is halal/kosher
- Why are you bullying me by making me look bad?
- Killing is necessary for life
- Hunters respect their quarry
- Fishing is good family entertainment
- Rodeo is good family entertainment
- You know nothing of reality
- Vegans wouldn’t survive in the ‘real’ world
- If you didn’t eat the animal they would eat you.
- Being vegan is an eating disorder
- Being vegan is a mental illness.
- What about food miles for fruit and veges?
- We need animals for manure (because seven billion humans aren’t enough)
- We need animals to feed the world population
- There are some nutrients we can only get in meat
- What about child labour making the computer parts you are using?
- Hunters/fishermen are true conservationists.
- Hunting is a spiritual experience
- Opposing halal slaughter is Islamaphobia
- Opposing kosher slaughter is anti-Semitism
- I dare you to protest in South Auckland then
- Vegans should be punched in the mouth.
- How dare you compare the torture of 70 billion animals to the holocaust?
- How dare you compare sexual assault of animals to human rape?
- Being vegan is just based on emotion.
- They are ‘calves’, not ‘babies’
- Anthropomorphism, though.
- Persuading Maori to go vegan is another form of colonisation.
- Animals just don’t matter
- Only humans matter, just because they are human
- Global climate change is a conspiracy
- Even if global climate change is real, we shouldn’t mention it because it frightens children
- Likewise, we shouldn’t mention what goes on in slaughterhouses.
- Global climate change is elitist scaremongering
- Being vegan is unnatural.
- Its okay to exploit those less intelligent than us
- No animal has ever built a cathedral
- Animals can’t appreciate classical music
- If God didn’t intend for us to eat animals, why did He make them out of meat?
- If God didn’t intend for us to eat animals, why make them so tasty?
- Binocular vision, though.
- What will we do with all the liberated animals?
- All pets would die out if we went vegan
- Humanity would die out if we went vegan
- There are more important things to worry about
- Get a job!
- Get a life!
- It’s your dog or your baby
- All medical progress has only been because of animal experiments
- Vegans are anti-science
- Vegans are anti-life
- It’s pests or native animals
- Possums are ‘evil’
- Killing possums is wholesome entertainment
- Humiliating corpses is wholesome entertainment
- Animals are safer in zoos than in the wild.
- Slaughterhouses are well regulated
- Rodeo is well regulated.
- Animal experimentation is well regulated
- Factory farms are well regulated
- Eating meat is ‘normal’
- But we love animals, even though we eat them.
- Animals are better off in rodeos
- Protesting outside a supermarket is ‘terrorism’
- Disruptive protests are not effective
- Anything you do will not be effective
- People have been eating meat for hundred of years
- Labelling plant based products as ‘burgers’, ‘milk’, etc is unfair to consumers
- Farm protests are bullying farmers
- Farmers have to be protected against anyone knowing what goes on
- How dare you compare animal abuse with slavery?
- I’m offended!
- It is vandalism!
- It’s illegal!
- Vegans are violent
- Its just townies picking on farmers
- What about Auckland’s water pollution?
- What do scientists know about farming?
- ‘Earthlings’ is from USA. We don’t do that here
- ‘Dominion’ is from Australia. We don’t do that here
- Caring about animals and the environment means you can’t care about me (jealous lover)
- Catering for vegans is too awkward
- Vegans are spoiling Christmas
- But range-land gazing is better for the environment
- But feed-lots are better for the environment
- Cows sequester carbon
- Carbon dioxide is not a pollutant
- If we didn’t do it, someone else would
- Morality is subjective
- It’s more expensive being vegan
- Most animals eat other animals
- Vegan women should not refuse sex with meat eaters
- You don’t know what you are missing
- You are only looking at one side
- Not eating animals is extreme
- They’re not in pain for that long
- Possums eat birds
- Animals wouldn’t exist if we didn’t breed them
- It’s OK. The cow I ate is vegan
- Lots of places can’t grow crops
- First world problems
- It’s cats that are killing dolphins, not nets
- Fish don’t feel pain
- But you tread on ants
- Killing invasive animals is a war
- Squeamishness is a weakness
- We don’t hate possums because they threaten our meat and dairy industry, it’s because they threaten our natives
- Native pukekos are pests
- Invasive animals deserve to die a horrible death
- We only like killing because we care so much for the environment
- Exposing children to violence does not make them more violent. It toughens them up.
- Leaders of disruptive vegan groups are no better than the Christchurch shooter
- Hunting is necessary to feed the family
- Fox hunting is necessary to eradicate foxes, which are pests
- Fox hunting is necessary to conserve foxes, which are endangered
- Being vegan actually kills more animals
- It is vegans who are destroying the Amazon by bingeing on soy beans
- Animals on live export ships are well looked after
- Race horses are well looked after
- Horses are designed to race/buck
- Animal ‘sports’ can be directly compared to consensual human contact sports like rugby
- I don’t like your tone!
- Humans would not be here if we didn’t eat meat
- Cows like being milked
- Exposing NZ’s animal cruelty overseas is economic sabotage
- Angry vegan, though
- You need some steak inside you
- Vegans secretly eat meat
- My food poos on your food
- Jesus ate meat
- We must support farmers
- Farmers love their animals
- Activists don’t know how to look after animals.
- I need meat for my blood type
- The endemic badger is vermin (official Tory policy)
- We Japanese need to eat meat to be big and strong like Americans (McDonalds Japan)
- Barbaric Asians, eating dogs!
- Barbaric Japanese, killing whales!
- Being vegan is un-American
- Being vegan is un-Australian
- Being vegan is Westerners imposing their ideas on us
- Being vegan is for white people
- The meat eating cultures are the dominant ones
- Historically no culture has been completely vegan
- Farmers are real Stewards of the land
- If they weren’t happy they wouldn’t lay/give milk
- The poor need factory farmed meat/eggs for cheap protein
- Vegan women have hairy armpits (thanks Leonie Bowkett)
- Vegan men have beards and ponytails
- Foie gras is not cruel because ducks and geese gorge naturally
- We must solve all human injustice before worrying about animals
- It’s better for calves to be separated from their mothers early
- We need cow’s milk for strong bones
- We need real fur/down to keep warm
- Vegan and flexitarian food is gross
- Nobody asked for a vegan sausage roll (Piers Morgan)
- Vegans can only become top athletes because their muscle was built up while they were still eating meat (also Piers Morgan)
- Plants contain harmful anti-nutrients
- All research showing health/environmental harm caused by meat eating is written by vegans
- It is a conspiracy. Vegans are paid by the vegetable industry
- It is environmentalists and Hollywood actors who are burning the Amazon
- Opposing foie gras is anti-French
- [Sneakily leaving nitrous oxide off GHG calculations]
- [Sneakily not including land use opportunity costs in GHG calculations]
- Plants don’t contain high quality protein
- Meat is not really a carcinogen according to industry-funded research
- Oh, everything causes cancer according to scientists
- Vegans don’t really live longer, it just seems like they do
- If you like animals why are you eating their food?
- You can use science to prove anything
- We need to slaughter animals because there is not enough grass
- I like cheese! (Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern)
- Fake meats are full of synthetic chemicals, unlike real meat, which is totally natural
- Bulls in the ring don’t suffer from being stabbed, because of the adrenaline
- We must respect other cultures
- Opposing male circumcision is anti-Semitic
- Opposing female circumcision is Islamophobic
- But British farms are sustainable
- But NZ meat is the most sustainable in the world
- But UK/NZ/Australia has the best animal welfare standards in the world
- I’m doing you a favour eating cows by freeing up more plants for you
- [General yelling of abuse]
- For every steak you don’t eat I will eat two
- Everyone is entitled to an opinion
- Letting a calf live kills babies
- I love MY meat
- Don’t you have anything better to do?
- Just leave the country if you don’t like it
- Where would we be without the meat/dairy industry?
- We are living longer because of factory farming
- Keep your mitts of OUR steak and we’ll keep ours off your tofu
- We can’t afford to be sentimental
- GM ryegrass is the future. We love GM
- GM plant based meat is frankenfood
- Soy gives you man boobs
- Vegans only eat GM soybeans
- It’s better for calves to be separated from their mothers
- But sows always crush their piglets
- Sows have to be in crates so they don’t get sunburn
- It’s better for hens to be in cages
- Should we test all cosmetics on you then?
- [Pointedly eats KFC at vegan protests]
- Eating KFC at vegan protest is the act of a hero
- Vegans have smelly farts
- Do you swat mosquitoes?
- Killing animals for meat isn’t cruelty because it is for a purpose
- Killing sentient beings isn’t murder because murder is only a legal term
- Water is not vegan. Fish poo in it
- Animals only exist for us to eat them
- [Jokes about ‘saved his bacon’, when a pig escapee is reprieved from slaughter]
- [On seeing a picture of a cute animal] Yum!
- How would you like it if I protested outside your house?
- Millions of Asians depend on our milk powder
- ‘Billions’ of babies depend on cow’s milk
- Vegans will be responsible for more farmer suicides
- Highly specialised diets like veganism leads to extinction
- But you’re breaking the law. That’s terrible!
- Vandal!
- Veganism is a cult
- Veganism is a religion
- Men only pretend to be vegan when their wives are looking
- Vegans hate vegetarians
- Cows enjoy being slaughtered
- Hunting is in our DNA
- Vegetarian = Indian word for bad hunter
- Vegans think they are superior to everyone
- How can you know what animals want?
- Cow/sheep heat is implied consent
- The more animals we eat the less impact on the environment
- I hypnotise animals before killing them to prevent suffering
- Beef farmer: ‘I love my dogs. They understand everything I say’.
Vegan: ‘Interesting. Do your cows understand everything you say?’
Beef farmer: ‘Don’t be stupid.’ - I need meat for iron
- Earthlings/Dominion/Game Changers is a manufactured documentary
- Vegans are being paid by Soros/The UN/aliens to spread propaganda
- While also being unemployable no-hopers
- Veges are all GMOs. E.g. bananas don’t have seeds.
- Cows’ milk is so necessary for Asian babies. the Chinese are smuggling it in
- If everyone ate only plants, there would be too many corpses littering the Earth
- Plants produce oxygen, so vegans are killing the plants that protect the Earth
- Vegans are all malnourished
- Breast feeding is gross. Better to give babies formula
- “Go and tell the caveman not to eat the dinosaur”
- If we are not supposed to eat fish, how come we can swim?
- For a working man they can’t eat enough veggies. They would explode
- Vegans only eat grass
- I am an animal rights advocate. And I eat meat
- Violence is just the way the world is
- Chicken is not an animal
- If you give head you can’t be vegan
- By not eating meat, animals die for no reason
- Cows produce milk all the time, pregnant or not
- How about we give free contraception to the third world, instead of us making all the sacrifices?
- The whaling is all for research
- Rodeo/bullfighting/foie gras is part of our culture
- Photos and trophies are actually honouring the animal
- Plant based is a conspiracy by the pharmaceutical industry to make us sick
- It’s fart tax. Snigger, snigger
- They serve vegan food at meat restaurants. Why no meat in veg*n restaurants?
- [Posting GIFs of meat]
- Would veganism be a thing without social media?
- Why don’t you campaign for more humane slaughter instead?
- Hunting/fishing is OK, because the animals have a sporting chance
- We have to have zoos/aquariums to teach children about conservation
- Vegan fabrics are more destructive than wool or leather
- You need to campaign one issue at a time
- Campaigning on issue X? What about issue Y?
- It’s a fad diet
- It’s the same as gluten free
- Animal meat is better than plant meat because it only contains one ingredient
- Vegans only eat processed plant based meat, which is unhealthy
- Meat is more concentrated protein
- All doctors say we need meat
- Do you know that everybody hates you?
- It’s so negative being against things all the time
- “I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain….” (yawn again)
- [Response to any veg*n post] I’m going to eat a steak now
- Chickens don’t live long enough for us to be concerned about them
- I’d hate to be your kids
- Have a steak to calm down
- Insects die in harvesters
- Salads can cause food poisoning
- Writing ‘FACT’ after something magically turns it into a fact
- Next, you’ll be saying we should give the pigs nappies (response to concerns about pigs
wallowing in their own excrement) - We must be realistic here
- So what do you eat?
- Asceticism is not a proper Buddhist response
- Halal slaughter is humane
- I can design slaughterhouses where the animals don’t know what will happen to them …
- Because my autism gives me a special empathy for animals – Temple Grandin
- Aggressively shouting down vegan guests on talk-back because they are ‘aggressive’
- “I’m a Catholic and they’re taunting my pope!” – Piers Morgan again.
- Vegans are ‘militant’
- Menstruating women need iron from meat
- Body builders need meat
- Everyone has different physiology. Some people need meat
- People with pernicious anaemia need meat
- Its political correctness gone mad!
- 99% of farmers look after their animals
- Baby animals don’t feel pain, so mutilating them is OK
- This includes humans, so mutilating their penis is OK
- I support animal welfare but not animal rights
- It’s the Great Chain of Being (religious)
- It’s Evolution (atheist/non-religious)
- Who cares about the future? Jesus is coming soon anyway
- Jesus doesn’t care about animals
- ‘Quick, the wife’s gone out! Go and grab a steak pie while she isn’t looking, bet you want to’
- “This is corporate bullying specifically designed to damage my mental health. I’m now a vegan victim”. Piers Morgan
Huge thanks to Michael Morris for taking the time to compile this list.
