The Rules of Veganised Language

Following are “the rules of veganised language” (also known as the “Rules of Veganized Language” or the “Rules of Non-Speciesist Language”):

Rule 1, personal pronouns: All members of the Animal Kingdom are sentient beings, just like humans, so the third-person singular personal pronouns used for them should be the same as those used for humans; in other words, never the pronoun “it” should be used to refer to a non-human animal as a third person singular, but instead “he” or “she” should be used, depending on the sex of the individual referred to. This rule only applies to the third person singular as the third person plural “they” or “them” are already used for both humans and non-human animals. This rule only applies when the pronouns refer to animals (including mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians, and invertebrates such as insects), but not to inanimate objects or things, or to other living entities that are not animals (such as bacteria, fungi, or plants). If the sex of the individual referred to is not known, the pronoun used to replace “it” could be the combined “she or he”, or the neutral “they”.

For example, to veganise the sentence “There is a mosquito flying around the room, so you may want to cover your arms as it could sting you” it should be changed to “There is a mosquito flying around the room, so you may want to cover your arms as she could sting you.”

Rule 2, possessive pronouns. All members of the Animal Kingdom are sentient beings, just like humans, so any possessive pronouns used for them should be the same as those used for humans; in other words, never the pronoun “its” should be used to refer to a non-human animal as a third person singular, but instead “his” or “her” should be used, depending on the sex of the individual referred to. This rule only applies to the third person singular as the third person plural “theirs” is already used for both humans and non-human animals. This rule only applies when the pronouns refer to animals (including mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians, and invertebrates such as insects), but not to inanimate objects or things, or to other living entities that are not animals (such as bacteria, fungi, or plants). If the sex of the individual referred to is not known, the pronoun used to replace “its” could be the combined “her or his” or the neutral “theirs”.

For example, to veganise the sentence “The bee used its wings to create an airflow” should be changed to “The bee used her wings to create an airflow.”

Rule 3, interrogative and relative pronouns. All members of the Animal Kingdom are sentient beings, just like humans, so any interrogative or relative pronouns used for them should be the same as those used for humans; in other words, never the pronouns “that”, “what, or “which” should be used to refer to a non-human animal, but “who”, “whose”, or “whom” should be used instead, as in the case of humans. This rule only applies when the pronouns refer to animals (including mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians, and invertebrates such as insects), but not to inanimate objects or things, or to other living entities that are not animals (such as bacteria, fungi, or plants).

For example, to veganise the sentence “The cat, which was awakened by the noise, began to move” it should be changed to “The cat, who was awakened by the noise, began to move.”

Rule 4, reflective and intensive pronouns. All members of the Animal Kingdom are sentient beings, just like humans, so the third-person singular reflective and intensive pronouns used for them should be the same as those used for humans; in other words, never the pronoun “itself” should be used to refer to a non-human animal as a third person singular, but instead “himself” or “herself” should be used, depending on the sex of the individual referred to. This rule only applies to the third person singular as the third person plural “themselves” are already used for both humans and non-human animals. This rule only applies when the pronouns refer to animals (including mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians, and invertebrates such as insects), but not to inanimate objects or things, or to other living entities that are not animals (such as bacteria, fungi, or plants). If the sex of the individual referred to is not known, the pronoun used to replace “itself” could be the combined “herself or himself” or the neutral “themselves”.

For example, to veganise the sentence “The cat licked itself clean after eating” it should be changed to “The cat licked himself clean after eating” if we know the cat is male.

Rule 5, zero inflexion plurals. All animals are individuals and their individuality should be respected by not referring to them in plural nouns that have the same form as singular nouns (which is known as zero inflexion plurals) as this often happens in the case of animals that are treated as goods or hunted/fished. When in standard English the term for an animal is the same in singular and plural, the plural in veganised English should be changed to a regular plural; in other words, the plural of ‘fish’ should be ‘fishes’ and the plural of ‘sheep’ should be ‘sheeps’. This rule does not apply when the plural is an irregular plural that is different than the singular, as in the case of goose and geese, or mouse and mice. This rule only applies when the nouns refer to animals (including mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians, and invertebrates such as insects), but not to inanimate objects or things, or to other living entities that are not animals (such as bacteria, fungi, or plants).

Here are examples of veganised plurals for animal names:

Rule 6, disrespectful terms. All animals are sentient beings who should be treated with respect and should not be referred to by using terms that treat them as if they were objects, commodities, goods, or property. In Veganised English, the disrespectful terms of Ordinary English should be replaced with more respectful versions.

Here are examples of disrespectful terms that have been veganised:

Livestock should be Farmed Animals
Breeding stock should be Reproductive Farmed Animals
Unit (referring to a whole animal in the animal agriculture industry) should be Individual
Head (referring to a whole animal in the animal agriculture industry) should be Individual
Specimen (referring to a whole animal) should be Individual
Soft Commodities (referring to animals in the animal agriculture industry) should be Non-Human Animals
Farm Animals should be Farmed Animals

Game Animals (or just Game in the hunting vernacular) should be Hunted Non-Human Animals or Targeted Non-Human Animals

Lab animals should be Non-Human Animals Used In Laboratories

Pet should be Companion Animal

Dog Owner should be Dog Guardian

Cat Owner should be Cat Guardian

My Dog should be My Dog Companion or My Dog Friend

My Cat should be My Cat Companion or My Cat Friend

To Own an animal should be To Be The Guardian of an animal

To Be The Parent of an animal should be To Be The Carer of an animal

The Subject (in the context of veterinary treatment) should be The Patient

Zoo Keeper should be Zoo Jailer

Seafood should be Marine Animals Killed For Food 

Pest should be Unwanted Non-Human Animal

Alien Species should be Recently Naturalised Species 

“Humans and Animals” should be “Humans and Non-Human Animals” (as humans are animals)

Sentient Beings and Animals should be Sentient Beings (as animals are sentient beings)

Almost Human should be Similar to Human

Higher Animals (in the context of biological classification) should be Vertebrate Animals

Lower Animals (in the context of biological classification) should be Invertebrate Animals

Purebred Animals should be Selectively Inbred Non-Human Animals

Beast should be Non-Human Animal

To Feed On (referring to non-human animals) should be To Eat

Humane should be Kind or Compassionate

Inhumane should be Cruel or Violent

Person (meaning any human) should be Human or Human Person

People (meaning only humans) should be Humans or Human People

Primates (excluding humans) should be Non-Human Primates or Other Primates

To water (a Non-human animal) should be To Give Water To

Rule 7, euphemistic terms. The exploitation of animals by humans should not be glossed over or hidden with euphemisms to disguise the reality of what it entails, so terms that have been created to do this in Ordinary English should be replaced by more honest and transparent versions in Veganised English.

Here are examples of euphemistic terms that have been veganised:

To Harvest (referring to animals in animal agriculture) should be To Kill

Beef should be Bull Flesh or Cow Flesh

Pork should be Pig Flesh

Swine should be Pigs

Cattle should be Cows and Bulls (or Bovines)

Poultry should be Farmed Birds (or specifically Chickens, Ducks, Geese, or Turkeys)

Fowl should be Birds

Dairy Herd should be Cows Herd

Animal Exhibit (as in a zoo) should be Zoo Enclosure or Cage

Cultivated Meat or Clean Meat should be Lab Flesh or Lab Meat

To Sacrifice (referring to killing animals) should be To Kill

To Cull (referring to killing many animals) should be To Kill

To Put Down (referring to killing animals) should be To Euthanise

Animal Habitat (as in a zoo) should be Zoo Enclosure or Cage

To Finish (meaning killing animals as in farming) should be To Kill

Race Horse should be Horse Forced to Race

Race Dog should be Dog Forced to Race

Fight Animals (in the context of organised animal fighting) should be Non-Human Animals Forced to Fight

Animal Actor should be Non-Human Animal Trained to Act

Hunting Dog should be Dog Forced to Hunt

Guard Dog should be Dog Forced to Guard

Service Animal should be Non-Human Animal Trained to Serve

Beast of Burden should be Non-Human Animal Forced to Work

Animal Carcase should be Non-Human Animal Corpse

Bullfighting Bulls should be Bulls Bred for Fighting

Zoo Animals should be Zoo Inmates or Zoo Prisoners 

Aquarium Fish should be Fishes Kept Captive In Aquaria

Ornamental Fish should be Fishes Kept Captive As Ornaments 

Whaling should be Hunting Whales

Fieldsports (in Britain, if involving animals) should be Bloodsports

Shooting (in British bloodsports) should be Shooting Birds

Wildlife Control (meaning killing wildlife under conservation excuses) should be Wildlife Killing 

Pest Control should be Control of Unwanted Non-Human Animals 

To Spay an animal should be Practice Ovariohysterectomy on an animal

Biomedical Research (if includes animals) should be Vivisection

Humane Slaughter should be Slaughter

Shooting Preserve should be Shooting State

Predator Control should be Killing Predators

Dam (referring to a mother) should be Mother

Sire (referring to a father) should be Father

Endangered Animal should be Member of An Endangered Species

Chicken, Lamb, Tuna, etc. (meaning the food) should be Chicken Flesh, Lamb Flesh, Tuna Flesh (etc.)

Foie gras should be Goose Diseased Liver or Duck Diseased Liver

Veal should be Bovine Calf Flesh

Rule 8, derogatory language and animals as Insults. Human supremacists sometimes use the names of animals to insult people because they consider animals “inferior” and therefore they want the people they are insulting to feel inferior to. For instance, calling someone a pig to infer the person is dirty, a chicken to imply the person is a coward, a cow to imply the person is fat, a sheep to imply the person is submissive, a donkey to imply the person is stupid, or even just “an animal” to imply the person is inferior. This may be normal in ordinary English but in Veganised English, this is not allowed, as none of these implied attributes are accepted by vegans. Therefore such types of insults should be replaced by the terms they are implying (unless describing verbatim what someone said or quoting someone).

Rule 9, expressions and Idioms. Many expressions, idioms, turns of phrase, and clichés that people use in ordinary English include animals either abused, disrespected, or exploited, or animal products viewed as commodities, but veganised English language should not use these, and instead, it should use alternative non-animal versions that already exist, or create new ones that are animal-friendlier. This rule only applies when the meaning of the use of non-human animals in sentences is not to be taken literally, but just as part of a common figurative expression to convey a particular metaphorical meaning.

Following are common idioms and their veganised versions (in alphabetical order):

Original Idiom	Veganised Alternative
A bad egg	A bad apple
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush	An ace in the hand is worth two in the deck
A dark horse	A dark snowball
A different kettle of fish	A different kettle of dish
A feather in your cap	A flower in your cap
A fish out of water	A square peg in a round hole.
A fish rots from the head down	A broccoli rots from the top down
A lame duck	A torn sock
A pig in a poke	A pick in a poke
A pig in Clover	A gig in Clover
A red herring	A red hat
A snake in the grass	A traitor in the class
A wild goose chase	A Fall leaf chase
A wolf in sheep’s clothing	A thorn in moss’s clothing
Act like an animal	Act like an ogre
Ants in your pants	Itches in your britches
At a snail’s pace	At tectonic plate’s pace
Back in the saddle	Back in the armchair
Back the wrong horse	Back the wrong team
Bark up the wrong tree	Open the wrong door
Be a Guinea pig	Be a test dummy
Be catty	Backbite
Beat a dead horse	Beat a broken drum
Bee in your bonnet	Thorn in your side
Big cheese	Big nut
Birdbrain	Pea brain
Blind as a bat	(don’t use this idiom because it’s ableist)
Bread and butter	Bread and oil
Bring home the bacon	Bring home the bagels
Bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan	Bring home the bagels and toast them
Build a better mousetrap	Build a better mouse pad
Butterflies in one’s stomach	Jitters in one’s belly
Can’t teach an old dog new tricks	Can’t teach an old clown new tricks
Cash cow	Moneymaker
Catch more flies with honey	Catch more friends with money
Change horses in midstream	Change cups in midstream
Chicken out	Lose your nerve
Coming out of your shell	Coming out of your cave
Cry over spilt milk	Cry over spilt wine
Curiosity killed the cat	The curious fell into the trap
Dirty dog	Filthy fiend
Dirty rat	Dirty rascal
Dog and pony show	Halftime show
Dog days	Hot days
Dog-eat-dog world	Cut-throat world
Dogfight	Free-for-all
Don’t count your chickens before they hatch	Don’t count your chips before they’re cashed
Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth	Don’t look a gift box on the label
Eat crow	Eat your words
Eat like a pig	Eat like a glutton
Egg on your face	Hummus on your face
Every dog has its day	Every Saint has a day
Fat cat	Rich Hat
Fish or cut bait	Cook or leave the kitchen
Fishy	Shady
Fly in the ointment	Sand in the gears
Fox guarding the henhouse	Vampire guarding the blood bank
Get off your high horse	Come down off your pedestal
Get your ducks in a row	Get your act together
Go to the dogs	Go to pot
Hare-brained scheme	Foolish plan
Have a dog in this fight	Have a stake in this game
He’s a catch	He’s a match
Hold your horses	Hold your fire
Hooked	Obsessed
Horse of a different colour	Flower of a different colour
Horsing around	Messing around
Hounded	Hassled
I’ll be a monkey’s uncle	I’ll be a virgin father
In the doghouse	In hot water.
It’s raining cats and dogs	It’s pouring buckets
Kill two birds with one stone	Cut two carrots with one knife
Let sleeping dogs lie	Don’t rock the boat
Let the cat out of the bag	Spill the beans
Like a bat out of hell	Like lightning
Like a bull in a China shop	Like a tornado in a China shop
Like a chicken with its head cut off	Like your hair is on fire
Like a lamb to the slaughter	Like a dancer in a minefield
Like chalk and cheese	Like chalk and tofu
Like shooting fish in a barrel	Like picking grapes from a plate
Look like the cat who swallowed the canary	Look as guilty as sin
Mad as a hornet	(don’t use this idiom because it’s ableist)
Mad as a March hare	(don’t use this idiom because it’s ableist)
Madder than a wet hen	(don’t use this idiom because it’s ableist)
Make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear	Make a diamond bracelet out of a lump of coal
Milk it for all it’s worth	Juice it for all it’s worth
Monkey business	Shenanigans
Monkey see, monkey do	Follow suit
More than one way to skin a cat	More than one way to peel an orange
Not my circus, not my monkeys	Not my problem
Not my first rodeo	Not my first roadshow
Off the hook	In the clear
One-trick pony	One-trick magician
Packed in like sardines	Packed in like pickles
Pig out	Hoover it up
Pigheaded	Hardheaded
Pony up	Pay up
Pull a rabbit out of a hat	Pull a coin out of an ear
Pull the wool over your eyes	Pull the cloth over your eyes
Pussyfoot around	Tread lightly
Put all your eggs in one basket	Put all your berries in one basket
Put lipstick on a pig	Gild the lily
Put the cart before the horse	Put the caboose before the engine
Put the cat among the pigeons	Stir the pot
Quit cold turkey	Quit cold tofu
Ruffle your feathers	Mess up your hair
Sitting duck	Easy target
Smell a rat	Smell a rotten apple
Snail mail	Slow mail
Stubborn as a mule	Stubborn as a fool
Sweat like a pig	Sweat like a liar
Take the bull by the horns	Take the rose by the thorns
Talk turkey	Talk Tofurky
Tastes like chicken	Tastes like tofu
That dog won’t hunt	That boat won’t float
That really gets my goat	That really gets my goatee
The bee’s knees	The cream of the crop.
The early bird catches the worm	The early starter gets the pancake
The lion’s share	The cream of the crop
The straw that broke the camel’s back	The pea that broke the dinner plate
The world is your oyster	The sky is the limit
To badger	To bother
To butter someone up	To oil someone up
To be a honeytrap	To be a maple syrup trap
To be a sausage fest	To be a cucumber fest
To be a parrot	To be a mimic
To be a weasel	To be a con man
To be as busy as a beaver	To be as active as a river
To be as sly as a fox	To be as shrewd as a scammer
To be as smooth as butter	To be as smooth as oil
To be a fair game	To be a fair target
To be dead meat	To be in dead row
To be full of beans and lean meat	To be full of beans
To be in the meat grinder	To be in the seed grinder
To be the dog’s bullocks	To be the top of the line
To be tough as leather	To be tough as wood
To be the meat and potatoes	To be the heart and lungs
To egg someone on	To push someone on
To fish in someone else’s pond	To play in someone else’s pool
To fish for compliments	To look for compliments
To have a frog in your throat	To have a lump in your throat
To have a heart as sweet as honey	To have a heart as sweet as maple syrup
To have a horse in the race	To have a runner in the race
To have a tiger by the tail	to have a fire by the wick
To have a whale of a time	To have a blast
To have bats in the belfry	To have a screw loose
To have bigger fish to fry	To have bigger potatoes to fry
To have meat on the bones	To have flesh on the bones
To hog	To monopolize
To hunt with hawks	To dance with Dukes
To know which side your bread is buttered on	To know which side your bread is oiled
To rat out	To nark
To speak with honey on the tongue	To speak with sugar on the tongue
To teach your grandmother to suck eggs	To teach your grandmother to peel a potato
To win by a nose	To win by a hand
To work like a dog	To work your fingers to the bone
Walking on eggshells	Walking on thin ice
Watching like a hawk	Watching like a sniper
When pigs fly	When hell freezes over
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?	Which came first, the oak or the acorn?
You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs	You can’t make juice without breaking fruits
Your goose is cooked	You’re dead in the water